


Blatant Flirting Never Gets Us Anywhere

by orphan_account



Category: Hermitcraft
Genre: Anal Sex, Awkward First Time, First Time, M/M, My first smut writing attempt, Oral Sex, Smut, handjobs, how does one tag this actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 06:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19223116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Because the world needs more Mumbo and Grian having awkward first time sex.





	Blatant Flirting Never Gets Us Anywhere

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Close Proximity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17268749) by [ssoftsspoken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssoftsspoken/pseuds/ssoftsspoken). 



> Warning: written by a person who pulled an all-nighter to write this (and who has never written smut before)
> 
> (but I’d like to think this is a decent work) (it’s at least grammatically correct and free of spelling errors, if nothing else)
> 
> This work has been orphaned by me. Reasons in end notes.

Grian studies the archway before him in frustration. “Something’s off, I know it is.” he mutters to himself, pacing a bit. 

“It’s missing a trapdoor there.” Mumbo helpfully points out, scaring Grian out of his own skin. 

“Mumbo!” Grin exclaims, “You shouldn’t be up.”

”But I am.” Mumbo says. 

“Well, you aren’t in bed, so I’m going to take you right back. There’s a reason I haven’t left base today.”

“Ooh, taking me back to bed, are we, Mr. Grian?” Mumbo says flirtatiously, a twinkle in his eye. 

“Yes, because you need to rest, Mr. Mumbo. You got shot by a skeleton.” Grian says.

”You’re no fun.” Mumbo pouts. “Besides, I’ve had worse, and healing potions are instant. Can’t we do something fun?”

”You know blatant flirting gets you nowhere, yes?”

“But this might get me somewhere!” Mumbo says brightly, before crushing Grian’s lips in a powerfully strong kiss, tickling Grian with his mustache. 

Surprising as it may be, Mumbo and Grian have never gone beyond second base in their two years of dating (except for when they both got incredibly drunk and Mumbo blew Grian in the bathroom at Doc’s party, but they don’t really count that). Grian still keeps condoms and lube in one of the chests by his bed, hoping for the day they’d get to use them. 

Grian deepens the kiss, leaning into Mumbo, his hands wrapping around his waist. As Mumbo opens his mouth into the kiss, Grian pulls away, breathing hard. 

“Bed. Now.” Grian says, trying and failing to regain his composure. 

“Only if you’re coming with.” Mumbo winks. 

“Only to tuck you in so that I can get back to this archway!” Grian exclaims, his face reddening. 

“Of course. No other reasons.” Mumbo says, winking again, and sets off down the hall. 

Grian follows behind, telling himself it’s to keep Mumbo from disappearing, but mostly to conceal the start of the erection growing in his brown pants. 

As Grian tucks Mumbo in, Mumbo seemingly puts up little resistance, making Grian chuckle. “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Mumbo pulls Grian in by his red sweater, pulling him in with one of his fiery kisses. _I swear, I’m addicted to him,_ Grian thinks. But this time, instead of pushing Mumbo away, he leans in, kissing harder and fiddling with the hem of Mumbo’s t-shirt. 

Mumbo pulls away this time, gasping a bit for breath. “But you certainly are, aren’t you?” he says, eyeing the tent in Grian’s pants. 

“So are you,” Grian grins, spotting the small wet patch that’s already forming on Mumbo’s thin boxers, and in that instant, he knows he’s not getting back to that archway today.

Mumbo pulls Grian into the bed, flipping him onto his back. _Two can play this game,_  Grian thinks, and he grins up at Mumbo, who’s straddling Grian. 

“Like the look of me all spread out on your sheets?” Grian says coyly. 

“Duh.” Mumbo says, running a hand through Grian’s hair. “You do look so hot with your flushed cheeks and your messy hair on my pillow.”

“Like an angel?” Grian asks, and Mumbo bites his lip, and _oh wow_ , Grian has to suppress a full out moan because that is the hottest thing he has ever seen.

“Better.” Mumbo says and Grian pulls him in by his shirt.

Mumbo pulls off Grian’s red sweater, throwing it aside. He kisses down Grian’s torso, pressing one final kiss right above Grian’s pants button, making Grian’ hips buck up, before he work his way back up.

”Tease.” Grian says, a hint of laughter in his voice. 

“And you love it.” Mumbo says, biting his bottom lip again. 

It’s Grian that pulls them back into a rough kiss this time, grinding up a little into Mumbo. He slides his hands under Mumbo’s t-shirt, a plain white shirt with a few small redstone stains, before slowly pulling it off. 

He knows that Mumbo builds and mines a lot, and so the muscles should be no surprise, yet when Grian pulls off Mumbo’s shirt, he has to take a moment to run his hands down Mumbo’s body. Every time his body is something new to explore. 

Mumbo starts to kiss at Grian’s neck, slowly but surely leaving bruises that will be visible later, while Grian lets little pants and moans slip out of his open mouth. 

When Mumbo stops, Grian has to pry open his eyes to see Mumbo just looking at him. “You seem a bit overdressed.” Mumbo says. 

“Perhaps I am.” Grian says. 

“Would you like me to change that.” Mumbo says, and it’s not a question at all. Mumbo’s hovering his hands over Grian’s crotch, where his pants have become incredibly tight, and Grian nods. 

“Are you sure?” Mumbo asks, hands on Grian’s pants button.

“Please.” Grian moans. If he has to spend  _one more night_  just jerking off in the bathroom after making out, he’s going to go crazy, and not in a good way. 

When Mumbo pulls off his pants, it’s like a weight has been lifted, and he subconsciously thrusts up into Mumbo. 

Now in just their boxers, the two men grind into each other as they make out, the wet patches on the front of their boxers becoming larger and larger. 

At one point, Iskall walks into the front entrance of Grian’s base, planning on grabbing the boots he accidentally left by the door the other day, but when he hears a particularly loud moan come from across the base (a feat in itself, but justified, as Grian had palmed Mumbo’s cock through his boxers), he immediately turns around and leaves. 

Mumbo sits straight up, his lips sore from kissing Grian so passionately. Grian follows him, propping himself on his elbows. 

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Grian asks. 

“Oh, I had an idea, but if you don’t want to hear it...” Mumbo trails off.

”Oh, come on, spit it out.” Grian says, and Mumbo shrugs. 

“Okay.” Mumbo pulls Grian’s boxers off in a rush, before pulling off his own. The cool air of the base surprises Grian a bit when his boxers come off, making his cock twitch. 

For a second, Grian worries if his five and a half inches won’t measure up, then he ruthlessly squashes the thought. Mumbo immediately gets back on top of Grian and continues to kiss him aggressively, moaning into Grian’s mouth. 

After a few moments of even more aggressive grinding, Mumbo puts one hand around Grian’s dick. Grian groans loudly at the contact before grasping Mumbo’s member in his hand. 

“Wait, Mumbo, what do I do now?” he asks, blushing anew at his inexperience. 

“Um, well, just do like you do to yourself, I guess?” Mumbo says awkwardly, then kisses Grian. “Kinda hard to go wrong with this anyway, I suppose. This is all new to me too.”

”True.” Grian says, then slowly jerks Mumbo’s cock. Mumbo lets out a deep moan and starts to reciprocate on Grian’s member. 

Grian almost forgets to move his own hand as Mumbo twists his hand and uses just the right amount of pressure to get Grian to buck up and moan. 

“Oh, f-fuck, Mumbo, don’t stop!” he cries out as he lets his hands go limp, then he grasps at the sheets as Mumbo keeps moving. Bursts of white hot pleasure shoot through him as he wrenches his eyes shut and throws his head back. 

In an instant, he comes, shooting his biggest load in perhaps ever all over Mumbo’s hand and stomach, and goes limp. 

In a few moments, he opens his eyes slowly to see Mumbo slowly stroking himself once more to the sight of a flushed and spent Grian. 

Grian musters up his energy and lifts his head. “Lay down.” he says, and Mumbo lays on the bed next to Grian. 

Grian moves his hand over, stroking Mumbo, before moving his head between Mumbo’s legs and taking Mumbo's cock in his mouth. 

“Fuck, Grian, you don’t have to...” Mumbo says breathily. 

“I want to.” Grian says, and licks a stripe up Mumbo’s shaft, making him gasp. Grian swirls his tongue around the tip of Mumbo’s cock, then takes as much of it in his mouth as he can. 

He gets fairly close to the base before gagging a bit, then he presses his tongue flat and begins to slowly suck, using his hand to pleasure what he can’t put in his mouth.

“Oh god, Grian, please...” Mumbo says, and thrusts shallowly into Grian’s mouth, twisting his hands in Grian’s hair. Grian hums a bit around Mumbo's shaft, and that’s what sends Mumbo over the top, coming into Grian’s mouth. 

Grian manages to swallow most of the cum (making Mumbo gulp), although a small amount dribbles back down Mumbo’s cock. 

“How’d you get so good at that?” Mumbo asks once he’s caught his breath. 

“That was good?” Grian asks nervously.

”Holy fuck, that was so much better than just good, that was incredible.”

Grian grabs a wad of tissues and wipes off his stomach, and Mumbo does the same. Glancing out the window, Grian can see that it’s gotten dark once more, so after they’ve gotten cleaned up, he offers to get some dinner. 

“You’re right, it is late. Let me get a robe on and we’ll go get something from the kitchen together, shall we?” Mumbo asks. 

“Sure.”

When they stand, their legs almost give out, but they eventually are able to walk. 

They stop to make out on swollen lips twice on their way to the kitchen and five times on the way back. 

Back in their bedroom after dinner (Mumbo isn’t officially moved in, he’s keeping his base, but he basically lives with Grian), they cuddle as they drift off, with Mumbo being the big spoon to the smaller man.  

* * *

The next morning, Grian and Mumbo eat breakfast slowly, staring contentedly at each other. When Grian suggestively eats a carrot, Mumbo can’t help but to get up and pin Grian to the wall, pushing a deep kiss into him. They practically have a repeat of last night right over the breakfast table, but Grian knocks a bowl to the floor and they realize about the dishes.

Ten minutes later, however, Grian’s right back against the very same wall, with Mumbo’s hands up his signature red sweater and a small tent in his trousers that’s growing by the moment. 

Only a few moments after they continue their makeout session, the clock strikes ten and they have to rush off to get something done today, with a promise to meet at Grian’s at seven for “dinner”. 

 

Grian gets distracted by helping with a bridge for Impulse, so he’s pleasantly surprised to feel Mumbo’s strong suited arms wrap around him as he puts his materials away back in their little outdoor lumberyard. 

“Hi there.” he says.

”You’re late.” Mumbo says in a joking tone. “Good think I only just arrived myself or I’d have to get mad.”

Grian laughs. “We’re so bad at being on time.”

”Yep.” Mumbo pulls Grian into a soft kiss that turns dirtier by the moment. Grian sighs into Mumbo’s mouth, opening wider, forgetting how to do anything but kiss Mumbo. Grian grabs onto Mumbo’s suit lapels and pulls him in tighter. In turn, Mumbo pushes Grian into the support post.

When they inevitably break apart for breath, Mumbo whispers in Grian’s ear. “If we weren’t outside in full view of Pause’s watchtower right now I’d blow you right here.” 

Grian moans, muffled into Mumbo’s broad shoulder, his arousal growing every second. 

“What if I told you I had something better?” he asks. 

”And what’s that?” Mumbo asks, curious. 

“Condoms and lube in my bedside chest.”

It’s Mumbo’s turn to moan. “Mm, that sounds amazing. If you’re game?”

”Absolutely. Shall we?”

“Lead the way.” Mumbo says, and Grian climbs into the trapdoor entrance that’s supposed to be a burglar catcher but for now, it’s a direct path to Grian’s bedroom. 

In Grian’s bedroom, Mumbo wastes no time in pulling off his suit jacket. Grian pulls off his sweater and the two clamber into their bed, Grian pulling at Mumbo’s red silk tie. Mumbo pulls the knot of the tie undone, slipping it off and haphazardly throwing it across the room. 

Mumbo moves back up onto his knees while Grian lays back and Mumbo displays a little show for Grian, flexing his muscles slowly as he takes off his shirt, unbuttoning excruciatingly slowly, baring his shoulders and upper arms. Grian’s eyes follow every little movement of Mumbo’s, waiting patiently in anticipation. 

As Mumbo pulls Grian’s pants down, Grian catches Mumbo’s eye and sees echoed right back at him his neediness and lust. 

Before Mumbo has a chance to pull Grian’s boxers off, Grian pulls Mumbo down by his waist band and kisses him firmly. While Mumbo is distracted, Grian fumbles Mumbo’s fly open and palms his cock through his boxers. Mumbo then decides to push his dress pants all the way off, with his boxers, so Grian goes from holding Mumbo’s cock through his boxers to just holding Mumbo’s stiff member. 

Grian gives it a few lazy strokes, smearing the precum at the tip, before stopping to shed his own boxers.

”Fuck, Grian, you tease.”

”Just wait- if you’re that impatient I might have to tie you up.” Grian smirks. 

Mumbo shivers at that statement, moaning softly, before pressing his lips onto Grian’s. They grind on each other desperately, before Grian remembers what they came in for.

”The lube is in the bottom of that chest.” Grian says with a gasp. Mumbo fiddles around in the chest for a moment before procuring a condom and bottle of lube. He puts some of the lube on his fingers, before pausing. 

“Wait, am I just supposed to put it on your...or in...or do I finger you?” Mumbo asks. “Or do I just stick my...”

”I think you’re supposed to finger me?” Grian hesitantly says. It’s not his fault he’s still a virgin, although not for lack of trying, It’s good that Mumbo is too, otherwise he’d be making a fool of himself. 

”I guess I’ll try one finger first, okay?”

”Okay.”

Mumbo carefully pushes one finger into Grian’s ass, and he moans. “Oh, fuck, that feels so good.”

”You look like you’re enjoying...do you want a second finger?” Mumbo asks. 

“Please.” Grian says, panting hard, and as soon as Mumbo pushes a second digit in, he moans again, louder as he’s stretched, slowly and surely. “Maybe move your fingers around?” he says, and when Mumbo does, he finds Grian’s spot, where he writhes with pleasure. Mumbo jumps back, afraid. 

“Did I hurt you?” he asks, panicked. 

Grian shakes his head. “...again...” he says, gasping. 

“Do it again?” Mumbo asks. 

“Please” Grian gasps, moaning as Mumbo puts two fingers back into Grian’s ass. 

”Oh f-fuck, more, oh god, please,” Grian moans, and Mumbo is happy to oblige, happy to continue making his lover feel good. 

After a few more minutes of Grian’s desperate moans, Mumbo lubes and adds a third finger against his better judgement (wondering _can he take it?_ and _is he okay?_ ), and Grian howls out loud in pleasure. 

When Mumbo thinks Grian might be ready for his cock ( _how do people just know how to do this?_ he thinks), he withdraws the fingers, much to Grian’s whines of displeasure. 

Mumbo drizzles more lube on his cock,(then remembers the condom, opens it and rolls it on, then adds more lube), then slowly pushes into Grian, who unleashes a string of colorful profanity. It feels really great for Mumbo, almost too great. He has to construct circuits in his head just to keep himself from coming right away. 

Once Mumbo slowly manages to bottom out, Grian is breathless, stretched almost to pain but not quite, thoroughly enjoying the sensation of being filled. “Are you alright?” Mumbo asks softly. 

“I’m fine, just, please move, pretty please?”

”Move?”

”Move! Thrust! In and out! Do the thing! I’m dying here!” Grian cries out, and Mumbo can see the desperation on Grian’s face. 

Mumbo slowly starts to thrust, awkwardly, setting a slow pace. 

Grian pushes against Mumbo’s slow thrusting, begging and unleashing profanities left and right. Mumbo slowly ups his speed until they’re both going as fast and hard as they can. Still, Grian cries out for more, constructing elegant sentences such as “Fuck, more, harder, please, more please oh god” and gripping the sheets and writhing, bucking his hips up in time to Mumbo’s thrusts. 

When Mumbo gets the brilliant idea to stroke Grian’s cock at the same time, it’s only two thrusts until Grian’s tightening and coming hard around Mumbo’s cock, covering his abdomen in cum. Mumbo thrusts once or twice more, then shoots his load deep into the condom, hips jerking as he comes down from his high. 

He pulls out and takes off the condom a few seconds later, and Grian lays still on the bed, stomach covered in cum and breathing hard. Mumbo kind of collapses next to Grian, spent. 

Grian is the first to speak. “Holy fuck.”

”That good?” Mumbo says with a smile, reaching for the tissues. 

“We need to do that again soon.” Grian grins, taking the tissues Mumbo offers and wiping himself down. 

“Maybe not tonight, but soon. You look like you enjoyed.”

”I’m certainly not regretting it.”

Mumbo curls up behind Grian, laughing, and holds him close, relishing the afterglow.

Eventually they fall asleep, in each other’s arms, sweating and flushed, but sated and content. 

**Author's Note:**

> This work has been orphaned due to the fact that it no longer fits my personal canon, as I will be writing a different turn of events and posting soon. 
> 
> Look out, though, for more Grian/Mumbo on an archive (and maybe a tumblr!) near you!


End file.
